Posted by: Rachel | April 2, 2012

The Commandments of Facebook

It is time that someone comes down off the mountain with some stone tablets and lays down the law for Israelites Facebook users everywhere. I have elected myself to take up the task of preparing the Commandments for Facebook because it does not seem like anyone else is getting it done. Consider it a very very early ( like 8 months early)  Christmas gift from me to you.

These rules are not in any particular order of importance, just be sure that you are generally mindful of all.

1. Thou shall not have fights with your spouse on FB. If you both have a FB then you shall keep your online interactions civil. Do not argue about your children’s activities, who needs to take out the trash, or generally make everyone else in FB land wish you all years worth of counseling. If you persist in petty bickering with your spouse on FB then you should be aware that everyone watching will begin to think of you as childish.

1a. On a related note, do not fight with family members on FB. Do not write snarky comments about family, unless they are truly funny and meant in a light hearted manner. If you are so juvenile that you must take the battle to FB then you probably have the maturity of a kindergartner. Actually, even my kindergarten daughter is more mature than that.

2. Now if you are thinking that you should be all lovey-dovey-smoochy-woochy online with your spouse please rid yourself of that thought. Public displays of interwebbed/facebooky affection are nearly as bad as fighting online with a spouse.

3. Thou art allowed only one whiney/complainey post for every six normal happy posts. This does not apply if your husband/wife/parent/other special family member just died. Other unusual circumstances may also apply. See author for details or to apply for exemptions to this commandment.

4. Check your spelling. I don’t care if you have a few errors, but if I must read your post several times to try and understand what you are saying you may wish to hire a grammar coach. Texting language is borderline ok bt it jst mkes me so frstrated whn peple wrte in wys that mst t, crikeys I can’t even write like that. It takes more energy than it saves.

5. Do not write things with hidden meanings, as in: don’t write something that sounds all normal, but you know and others know that it is really supposed to be sending a STRONG MESSAGE about SOMETHING and you just don’t have the GUTS to say what you REALLY mean.

6.  As referenced by my last blog, do not post political commentary if you can’t take the heat that a controversial comment may cause.

7. You may complain about your job— but not everyday. If it’s that awful, get another one. Likewise, if you love your job don’t tell us everyday. The joy you get from clocking in at Perfecto Job-o  is not contagious, so spare us from gagging into our Cheerios when we once again read about how EXCITED you are to go to work.

I enjoy Facebook, it gives me a social life that I otherwise would seriously lack. And I’d be lying just a tiny teeny bit if I said that people’s ‘rule-breaking’ posts don’t add to the experience a bit. But there are times when I wonder if there are really so many supposed adults who are clueless about basic common sense. The English language is still the same it was in fifth grade, and just because you are online doesn’t make hurtful statements any less so.

Do you have any commandments you would like to see added to the list?



  1. I love it! Crikey, bt u r so stinkin’ right! I love the way you so eloquently put things! Ha! I love YOU, girl!

    • awww… being so stinkin’ right makes me happy 🙂 Love ya too!

  2. Nicely written. Nice layout and organized.

    • Thank you!

  3. I would love to add something! Why do people think you won’t see only one ! why do they have to do this!!!!!!!!!! ?

  4. Hi Rachel,
    I saw your comment on Jenny K’s blog and for some reason I sought you out. I like the way you write. This is a great post and I also like your brave political views. 🙂 And I was skimming through your blog and really started to listen up when you talked about Zoloft. I struggle with depression too and it’s nice to find someone who’s just open about it. At the risk of sounding like I’m promoting my blog, here it is: If you are like me, you really don’t need another blog to read, though. Cute girls you have. And all the best on the pregnancy. I hope it’s a boy this time.

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